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If All Your Friends Jumped

by skeleton

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1.
Look at this mess that I have made, my pedal lays flat, my wheels are a blade, no mirrors point back, my eyes are a shade, my dashboard, it lacks a metric for shame you say “please lift your eyes And see what you do, your family’s worried and rooting for you But goddamnit dude, you have to slow down Your fever is pitched, your thorns aren’t a crown You’ll skid towards a ditch and your words won’t make sense And you’ll try to say: “Look at this mess that I have made, I’ve written a book that I have betrayed I have become something of pain Furl up my face, untie my name”” You say “please lift your eyes, and see what you’ve got, your friends They still see you and haven’t forgot But goddamnit dude, the work’s still ahead Observe the wreckage and trace back the tread Sure, we’re happy that you are not dead But you can’t stay the same
2.
There are some things you can do You can’t undo I thought it right to explore each door but others always close on you Spray paint stain on your brainstem Bubbles in your spine Clocks start living in mirrors The urgent steps of time Secret codes in common words That melt you to your feet I thought I found a clean way down But I was incomplete Now I feel irradiated, ceiling ‘bove my head The other folks that know this pain well A bit bent up, but they ain’t dead I think I know a fraction of a fraction of what you mean I can’t compare my secret blood To your timeless suffering Each choice was in a haze Each crucial moment went too fast If that door would only open I’d redo the past I’ll hold you if you let me I’ll leave you if you ask I never wanted suffering But that time’s already passed
3.
Words fail me, so I fail you The lost brother can’t see through his eyelids and I give and I give more (ooh-ohohh) Why bother if I can’t show you me Or implant a feeling The ceiling holds us all in (ooh-ohohh) There’s nothing I can do I’ve gotta get it through my skull; Is anyone alive? Is anyone alive? So I will do my best, Make amends Pass the tests And hope that the words can be Heard as true (ooh-ohohh)
4.
Lately I’ve been showing every flaw I don’t think that I can comfort you at all You’ve always been my sweetest friend What the hell have I done just tryin to pretend Your face doesn’t flash up on my screen I used to be clean but all this shit reminds of everything Push down the fear I think I’m running out of luck my dear It’s much too late to just disappear I’m here and that’s just not gonna change Lately my language has been full of tropes Things get so much simpler when you’ve bungled all your hopes No I’m not done, I have more love to give Fighting singing writing dreamin’ as long as I live I’m happy to be given so much time Don’t throw it away, I’m buildin something mine and only mine Push down the fear I think I’m runnin out of luck my dear It’s much too late to just disappear I’m here and that’s just not gonna change No way I’ll go, though I can to travel to Nepal or Mexico Our memories run parallel, in stereo I’ll grow and that’s just not gonna change
5.
Between my eyes above my nose Beneath my skull there is a stone Colonizing with a spell The men you love know it well It wants to conquer and be loveless and free But I love you and I want to get it out of me My mothers and sisters chip away Everyone catches my mistakes Be the change, become a man Kill the devil in your hands Right now we’re building history with our teeth There is no question, we must proceed carefully Lest we echo the pain of yesterday I love you all and I don’t wanna fall so I’ll listen when you say “We want you to be better, We need you to be wise We all got something deep inside that makes us shitty guys So put aside your macho pride And think of femmes you know Imagine they are fighting battles Wounds that never show So put aside your selfishness Be more self aware Everyone was once a baby We just need repair” So isolate the ancient stone Purge it from your head There is no room in our new world For a pain that should be dead
6.
Mother and child, there’s a love that painful Mother and child, there’s a debt you’re payin’ for Her eyes drift to the floor You wonder if you coulda said more Mother and child, love and death and rainfall Vulnerable love, you never make it easy Vulnerable love, you’re threatenin’ when you please me You bring your heart into the light You purchase another side, Looks like a hole so mean that makes you sink so deeply Is it worth it? There’s no way to make it out But if someone has to go, I hope that it ain’t slow But I know if it’s me, I’m sorry If it ain’t, then I forgive you for letting this love do what it’s to do Mother and child, we all need forgiveness Mother and child, no one should outlive this For when the lonely do The happy days are few Mother and child, time and space and sickness
7.
8.
Adam 08:10
Each loving person has a clock That they can turn back or make it stop Be swept away by just a thought Sometimes you’re just taking stock My sister and I used to stay up late On the mountain by the lake Beneath a sea of plastic stars Stuck to the ceiling, glow in the dark Constellation stories We’d conjure for these Arbitrary decorations Which always told me You can always be free When things don’t make sense We’re projecting plots And connecting dots in self defense One night Katherine came out We all dropped acid and we drove south By the river to die in vain Hoping to be reborn sane But really we just had fun for like a day I had lost her along the way That night I found her, I thought to say “I’m sorry, I thought we were gonna stick together” And she responded, “That’s okay, it started off as a beautiful thought” And then I couldn’t see her face The pain I wrought Was never from a thought Just some empty space We all know adam left a map Footsteps shuffling there and back She said, “He became his songs” Theories of why and where he’s gone I said, “You know, he’s still around, His voice remains above the ground” That was no weight off anyone His voice, his choice his moon and sun They still drag us down An ancient sound No more invented information It doesn’t lift the curse, In fact, it makes it worse Because he’s just beyond our reach What you leave behind will get stuck in time And will never be enough Will this song survive when I’m not alive If it does, I’m sorry May my echo always scream of love!
9.
I ain’t givin up on my family And I’ma keep on living with you here with me I ain’t gonna quit not quitin’ things And I think I got sixty years left in this thing Though I’m not old I’m not gold I’m workin on it baby, only time will heal my soul I won’t go Hell no! Nothin’s ever over cause we have tomorrow I love bein’ here Oh please tell momma not to worry, I won’t disappear I can wait days or months or years However long it takes for the smoke to finally clear No matter what you’re someone’s baby If you disagree, consider maybe there’s someone on this planet patiently waiting for you So I’ma make sure push through So if you’re rolling your eyes, I understand Once a year a song this corny passes through my pen But I cannot wait for this to happen again Without making it exactly clear exactly where I stand Right I’m alive and so are you And I ain’t got no earthly conception of the shit that you go through And if you wanna know the best thing that you can do Is just know that things will sometimes/always come out of the blue It’s true, the blue is always here with you I hate being here Shit gets hard and things get dark There’s voices I can hear I can run through my fears Cracking little jokes and anecdotes so I won’t disappear I’m runnin so this death can’t take me Feel my love and feel my safety Let's keep things on this side of that lonely dimensional split I’ma make sure you don’t quit
10.

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released December 1, 2020

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